Sun. Mar 7th, 2021

Due to an unfortunate spelling error, Harrods has hired Satan; Lord of Evil, Devourer of Worlds and Harvester of Souls, to dish out the Christmas presents to all the little children. It seems they are intent on putting the grot into grotto.

Unfortunately, the mistake happened when a dyslexic intern was charged with booking Santa and his little helpers. When the agency returned the contracts, she didn’t realise they’d misspelt Santa, and they’d contractually booked Satan. 

They first became aware of the problem when Satan turned up in the Staff Canteen, ready for work. Understandably, fearing for their mortal souls, no-one in management was willing to tell The Lord of Misrule that there had been an infernal cock-up.

I wasn’t sure about taking the job, but this represents a new opportunity for Satan Industries. The image of the Eternal Pit of Despair has become a bit tarnished over the last few years, this sort of publicity helps get things back on track.

Satan, he’s just this guy…

He went on to say, “I didn’t realise what a sea of negativity the grotto queue was. All those whining children, the stressed-out parents, it’s a gold mine. We’ve all of the deadly sins, in abundance, it’s glorious.”

Initially, it seemed disastrous, but we’ve been busier than ever. Attendance is up on last year; people can’t wait to hand over their eternal souls for a PS5. We have had second rate guitarists and candidates for The Apprentice queuing round the block.

Ian Napton, avaricious Harrods manager

The Store went on to confirm Satan will be back next year, and they’re negotiating some additional appearances at Easter and Halloween.

Demand for Satan’s Grotto is high, so book early. Entry is one eternal soul per family.


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By Binty

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!