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Day 36 in the Chatty Chimp House

Boris Johnson

And the monkeys are going ape.

The big news of the day was the health of Boris Johnson. The team had a long discussion about what we should do with our Boris Johnson memorabilia.

Obviously, there are concerns about taste, decency and not being a c&&* but on the other hand, we are a satirical news outlet and he’s Boris Johnson.

He’s not the Messiah, he’s a …..

One point of discussion was about his elevation to hero status. This is not a view we subscribe too. He is not a hero, the staff fighting COVID-19 on the front line with insufficient and inadequate equipment are heroes. The ordinary people ensuring that life carries on as near normal are heroes. He is not.

Decisions made by Boris and his team have cost many lives and put many others at risk. Contrary to everything that was known about Corona Virus, Boris boasted on national TV, about shaking hands with COVID-19 patients, and we should not forget that. The rights and wrongs of what was done is a debate for another day.

Here at Chatty, we don’t believe it is appropriate to rewrite someone’s life story just because they are ill. That would be hypocritical.

Boris has spent his political life at odds with many, he has fought his corner and it appears that he enjoys the banter, badinage and outright verbal fisticuffs. As they say in the playground, if you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.

The Chatty Chimp newspaper has run many stories about Boris. To be fair, the scrivener apes are not fans. That said, you wouldn’t wish Corona Virus on anyone. There should be some measure of sensitivity, to anyone suffering from this disease.

Therefore, we have decided to take down our Bollocks To Boris themed merchandise.

All here at The Chatty Chimp would like to wish Boris a speedy recovery.

Everyone is keen to see him back on his feet, and providing our satirical newspaper with so much valuable material. Whilst we would like to get back to selling our Fu*& You Boris, range.

So, in summary; please get well soon, so that we can resume taking the piss out of you, you, lying, cheating, racist shitweasel.

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Day 36 in the Chatty Chimp House

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