What's the point of being a rich, powerful, connected, white-man if you can't do who the hell you like?
Spurs fans stocking up after it's announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
Meanwhile the mop used to clean the toilet is for sale on EBAY, where a Mr N Witch is winning…
We would like to make it clear that there is no suggestion that an enormous cash pay off in anyway…
The shitting was incidental and in no way connected to Priti Patel, who is a kind, gentle, loving person.
"I want him to run the Pit of Despair, he is a natural." says Satan