The official Cabinet Minster Apology Template, currently being used by Matt Hancock

Spatch left the competition after his duck failed to impress the judges. The duck wasn't too keen on him either.

"We're loonies not nutters" said Barmy Lord Brockman, Official Monster Raving Loony Candidate

I grew up with him, so you get used to it, but it' no fun for the rest of the…

Now that Britain has become a hostile, racist, sexist and homophobic backwater, who better to represent it than me?

The Tea Lady was unavailable, having just bought a 4 bed house in the Cotswolds, a new car and a…

We need to get these people home before they realise how much better off they are in France

The regular attacks on Chris Grayling, by Secret, were a cunning plan to throw investigators off the scent.