“Poor people must work harder!” says Farage

Showing once again that he is a man of the people, Nigel’ Ten Jobs’ Farage blames the country’s declining productivity on poor people not working hard enough. Ever the grafter (grifter? Ed), Farage is no stranger to hard work, having ten different jobs.

‘Look at me, I am up three hours before I go to bed to milk the cows on my IHT-avoiding land, before I record personal greetings to the IRA and head off to present my programme on GB News. Then, after lunch, it’s all go: advising millionaires on how to avoid UK tax, buying gold and selling crypto, collecting a huge wedge from some unnamed sources, and then saying something outrageous in time for the evening news.”

He went on to complain that the city centre office blocks, which he and his mates own, are half empty because ‘people work at home’. Apparently, not wanting to spend four hours travelling to work, just so the landlord can update his yacht, is a bad thing. Who knew?

“It’s simple economics, you get people to work harder, they produce more, and we make more money on which we don’t pay tax. If they work really hard, we can lay some of them off; it works wonders for the bottom line.” Said the tax-avoiding guru.

A spokesman for the owner of Reform UK Ltd clarified his leader’s remarks, saying that “declining productivity is the fault of the woke, with their “work-life balance”, HR, and not “having enough money to live on,” before adding, “It’s all the fault of immigrants, coming over here, stealing our jobs and not working. I bet they’re all on benefits.”

As an election strategy, offering overworked, poorly paid people the chance to work even harder seems to be an odd choice until you realise most of supporters don’t work. Although one pundit pointed out that Mr Fromage doesn’t want to win the next election for two reasons. Firstly, it means he would have to do something, and secondly, he couldn’t afford the pay cut.

Remember “Arbeite härter, Bauer”

Meanwhile, corporate governance continues.