I’m very, very sorry that I got caught out. But on the plus side, look at the headlines! Brilliant!
Boris Johnson apology template used again, this time it’s for Scotland
Scottish Government’s job search App says “Yer Da Sells Avon!”
Selling Avon is opening so many doors! Have you seen our new concealer? I use it myself.
Scotsman admits Burns Night is just a chance to fleece cash from the English
Scotsman admits Burns Night is just a chance to fleece cash from the English. How can ye believe play music to mince?
Breaking News – Nicola Sturgeon’s Acceptance Speech
I have a dream, a dream that Hadrian’s Wall is rebuilt, that Scotland is a proud independent nation under the control of Brussels.
Discovery of a giant Golden McNuggett sparks Scottish gold rush
Discovery of a Golden McNuggett sparks gold rush. The rare Scottish delicacy is thought to be worth millions when sold to hipsters from a South London shed.
Nicola Sturgeon Sits Behind Sky News Chair Running In General Election
Nicola Sturgeon backs Vote Chair campaign, as it’s invited to Scotland where she’s hoping to capitalise on The Chair’s increasing popularity
The Yellow Submarine To Be Repurposed As A Trident Nuclear Sub
The Beatles legendary Yellow Submarine is to be re-purposed as a Trident Nuclear Submarine. As it’s to be based in Scotland no one cares.
Ministry Of Defence lock up lazy Scottish Tourist
The Ministry of Defence has locked up a tired Scottish Tourist after he had a ‘bit of a sit down’ on their steps. He’s now rotting in a Vietnamese Hell Hole
Scottish commuter goes ballistic as idiot blocks ticket barrier at tube station
Commuter goes off on one after a business man blocks the ticket barrier. Should there be an etiquette guide to travelling on The Tube?
Brexit Is A F*cking Circus And We’re In The Cheap Seats, Says Wales
Meanwhile, not everyone in the UK House is happy about being left alone with the English. Now the Welsh have started looking for a new flat share!
Flatmates force Scotland to Move Out in row over living arrangements
Trouble in the flat tonight after Scotland announced she has had enough and was moving out. She’s found a nice wee place just off the coast of Cumbria.
Scottish Tourist F*cked Off By Rush Hour London Underground Bulls**t
Glaswegian less than impressed with behaviour on the London Tube System. ‘It’s f*ckin nuts’ he cries as heads back North.
The Chatty Chimp 