It’s Health and Safety gone mad, before you know it they will stop you having sex with the livestock next. Now, where is that Swan?
Do the quake and Vax, and put the vaccine back
Anti-Vaxxers outraged that the EU want to get their hands on a vaccine that doesn’t work!
Vaccines Front-Man disputes he’s 94% effective
94% effectiveness is a slur on the Vaccines good name! We always give total satisfaction, guaranteed.
Pooh runs rampant as hunny addiction spirals out of control
Pooh has bene caught in an undercover hunnytrap. After the fuzz tried to by some ‘pure’.
Paddington Bear seeks treatment for Marmalade addiction
Paddington’s Marmalade addiction is out of control. He is undergoing treatment to wean him off the orange fruit.
Testing fiasco as Matt and Dido run out of fingers and toes to count on
Even though Matt took off his shoes, they couldn’t keep up with the rising numbers.
Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine
Corona Virus pandemic has forced three of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse into self-isolation Death, however, is still at work.
Track and Trace find’s Lord Lucan
Look at what we have found, A left-sided English mid-fielder, Lord Lucan and the rest of Boris’s children
Lockdown reintroduced to prevent the return of doorstep clapping
Unless we abide by social distancing rules, we will all be back on the bloody doorstep, clapping
Smell something different with Westminster Scented Candles
The Commons candle smells of freshly laundered money, Russian Vodka and Dry Rot, with high-notes of Bullshit
Hancock appoints proven failure, Dido Harding, to take the blame
When it comes to justifying failure you need someone with lots of experience.
Attempts to organise a piss-up in a brewery on hold
Failing to ‘pour himself a pint’ from the brewery’s 8,000 barrels, causing a fire and drowning several staff members