The official Cabinet Minster Apology Template, currently being used by Matt Hancock
The Boris Johnson apology template to be used by Matt (TFH) Hancock
‘Greed got me where I am today’ said Fat Boy Johnson
“There’s no such thing as a free lunch, I make them pay me to eat it!” says The Blonde Balloon
Gove confirms he hasn’t got any mates to give PPE contracts to
At times it’s hard to be Tory, when you don’t have any friends to give fat, juicy, Corona Virus contracts to.
Boris Johnson announces new ‘Clap for Clap for carers’
Look, I need a gimmick to distract people, otherwise they will realise that this shit show is all my fault
Vaccines Front-Man disputes he’s 94% effective
94% effectiveness is a slur on the Vaccines good name! We always give total satisfaction, guaranteed.
Christmas Truce football match cancelled as angry COVID storms out
I’d already erected the goalposts, painted the lines, and was partway through slicing the oranges.
Pooh runs rampant as hunny addiction spirals out of control
Pooh has bene caught in an undercover hunnytrap. After the fuzz tried to by some ‘pure’.
Scientists think the whole country is tripping the light fantastic
Other countries look at Britain and think, ‘What are those guys on? Can we get some?’
Boris plans to build a Nightingale Hotel on the banks of the Styx
Plans are afoot to build a huge Nightingale hotel on the banks of the River Styx, to cope with queues for post BREXIT afterlife transcendence. On January 1st 2021, freedom of transcendence […]
Testing fiasco as Matt and Dido run out of fingers and toes to count on
Even though Matt took off his shoes, they couldn’t keep up with the rising numbers.
Drones to deliver e-bollockings to groups of 6 or more
Howler drones will identify groups of more than 6, then they will deliver an e-bollocking until they’ve gone
Three of the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse are in quarantine
Corona Virus pandemic has forced three of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse into self-isolation Death, however, is still at work.
The Chatty Chimp 