Astronomy is really boring, I thought there would be aliens and lasers and stuff but it is all just rocks.
Scientists think the whole country is tripping the light fantastic
Other countries look at Britain and think, ‘What are those guys on? Can we get some?’
Clean Your Fridge Campaign launched as mouldy food achieves sentience
The mould evolved after the internet enabled fridge accessed Google
Mutant AI sues Boris Johnson for defamation
You sacks of water are a real puzzle, killing each other and breeding replacements, make your mind up.. Says AI
Gloop launches new Vampire Repellent spray
Have you seen a vampire? No, well that’s proof that it works!
Met Office to reboot Stonehenge in IT upgrade
The Stonehenge will give real-time data. If it’s wet, there’s rain about, shady it’ll be sunny and if a top stone is on the ground there’ll be a bit of a blow
Scientists baffled why 1st Monday in Feb is National Sickie Day
Why is the first Monday after payday and dry January the sickest day of the year? Scientists are baffled.
Doctors plan to solve Britain’s sperm shortage by raising the dead
Doctors plan to solve Britain’s sperm bank shortage by raising the dead. In a boost for fertility clinics, sperm will be collected from the dead and dying.
Greggs to produce Gwyneth Paltrow flavoured muffins
I want people to feel that when they are eating my muff we are both connected through the essential mother universe
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death
Man with a slight head cold insists he is on the verge of death, whilst his wife is less than sympathetic.
How often can you call a politician an arse before he realises he is one?
Scientists are investigating how often you can call a politician an arse before he realises he is one? and how long before he does something about it?
The Nobel Prize for Sciencing goes to Gwyneth Paltrow for Gloop
The Nobel Prize for Sciencing goes to Gwyneth Paltrow and her groundbreaking work with her company, Gloop. Proving looks trumps brains, every time.