Conscription will make the most of teenagers ability to sit on their arse for hours on end, while eating junk food and farting. said Shatts
Shapps introduces conscription to end HGV Driver shortage
Mount Olympus cited over numerous Health and Safety violations
It’s Health and Safety gone mad, before you know it they will stop you having sex with the livestock next. Now, where is that Swan?
‘Traffic Wardens issue their own death penalty notice’ says shock study
It seems that Traffic Wardens are handing out their own Death Penalty Notice and the good old public are delighted.
Man described by friends as ‘absolutely mental’ diagnosed as ‘a bit of a prat’
People with this condition tend to become office jokers, unwanted party guests or breakfast tv presenters.
The Psychotic Gunman of The Year Award goes to …
And the award for the ’employee thought most likely to machine gun a roomful of colleagues’ is…
Scientists baffled why 1st Monday in Feb is National Sickie Day
Why is the first Monday after payday and dry January the sickest day of the year? Scientists are baffled.
Middle-aged man goes to ‘find himself’ and discovers he’s some kind of ‘c**t’
A middle-aged man set off on a journey to find himself, he discovered he was some kind of c**t and he is quite happy with that!
Woman mourns lost dress sense after buying sensible work shoes
A woman is mourning the loss of her dress sense after buying a pair of sensible work shoes in Clarkes. She is inconsolable.
Weekend ruined after two mates meet up for ‘a quick one’
Family weekend ruined after two mates meet up for ‘a quick one’.
Ian Napton hadn’t seen Andy for some time, so they agreed to meet for a ‘quick one’ after work. Both assured family, friends and work colleagues that they’d just meet up for an hour, have a couple of pints then head home for dinner to enjoy a busy weekend with their families.
Gillian Napton takes up the story “They turned up at 4 in the morning, completely legless. Ian was hungry so he tried to make cheese on toast, he ruined the grill and set off the fire alarm. The prats then fell asleep watching Bullseye re-runs. If he says, ‘Here’s what you would have won!’ one more time I’ll swing for him. A quick one my arse! they’ve spoiled the whole family’s weekend.”
The two idiots got back to Ian’s in the early hours of the morning, after he had assured Andy that “Gillian won’t mind! She’d love to see you again!” and “Yes, she’s always wanted a cat, it’ll make a lovely gift!”.
Gillian made a very hungover Ian clean up the kitchen, take the children to swimming club and book a spa break for her and her bestie by way of apology. Andy is enjoying a long period of silence, whilst he waits for his wife to calm down.
Both the boys vowed never to go for ‘a quick one’ again.
Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS
Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS
Middle classes empathise with the poor after paying £250 for a seat at the theatre
Middle classes empathise with the poor after paying £250 for a seat at the theatre
Meet Jonah Napton, Britain’s most redundant man. He’s been let go seven times
Jonah Napton is Britain’s most redundant man, having been let go seven times
The Chatty Chimp 