It’s not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious it’s Europeansuperleagueistotallyatrocious
“Europeansuperleagueistotallyatrocious” says Mary Poppins
ITV airs three hours of silence in memory of Piers Morgan
Piers Morgan quits Good Morning Britain after being beaten up by the weatherman.
Government launches the COVID Regulations Game Show
COVID Regulations game show where the winners can win an online delivery slot at their supermarket of choice.
Automaton wins the BBC’s annual (Sports) Lack of Personality Award
The annual lack of personality award goes to a colossal dullard.
Babs bars Jesus from The Pearly Gates pub
I’m not having it, you can’t go around asking women if they are virgins, not in my pub
Masterchef cancelled as Britain runs out of ruddy ducks!
Spatch left the competition after his duck failed to impress the judges. The duck wasn’t too keen on him either.
NASA beaten by Ant and Dec on launch day
If NASA were more willing to get in a bath full of live rats, or spend a night in Newport, people might respond better to them.
Sound engineer lost in TV garden makeover maze for three years
He has been living on grubs and berries and collecting water in an old wellie boot!
Cookery expert’s croissant bakes off TV Film crew
I just couldn’t get the croissants right, and I can be quite intense when I’m stressed.
Millionaire winner celebrates with a caravan holiday
If he didn’t know what to do with it, he could have phoned a friend!
Piers Morgan injures himself by falling off his High Horse
His High Horse is huge, measuring 21 egos and generating a tin of shite
BBC News coverage to be cut to 10 minutes a day
‘Same shit different day has never been more true than now, we may as well save some dosh’ says BBC Exec
The Chatty Chimp 