The official Cabinet Minster Apology Template, currently being used by Matt Hancock
At times it's hard to be Tory, when you don't have any friends to give fat, juicy, Corona Virus contracts…
It was a titanic success says the government despite evidence to the contrary.
Look, I need a gimmick to distract people, otherwise they will realise that this shit show is all my fault
I'd already erected the goalposts, painted the lines, and was partway through slicing the oranges.
No, it's not a threat to democracy, it is not like they are doing anything anyway.