The official Cabinet Minster Apology Template, currently being used by Matt Hancock
The Boris Johnson apology template to be used by Matt (TFH) Hancock
Gove confirms he hasn’t got any mates to give PPE contracts to
At times it’s hard to be Tory, when you don’t have any friends to give fat, juicy, Corona Virus contracts to.
“We did all we could,” says the Captain of Titanic
It was a titanic success says the government despite evidence to the contrary.
Boris Johnson announces new ‘Clap for Clap for carers’
Look, I need a gimmick to distract people, otherwise they will realise that this shit show is all my fault
Do the quake and Vax, and put the vaccine back
Anti-Vaxxers outraged that the EU want to get their hands on a vaccine that doesn’t work!
Anti Bullshit vaccine is 98.5% effective
The impact on social media micro-advertising is expected to be dramatic.
Christmas Truce football match cancelled as angry COVID storms out
I’d already erected the goalposts, painted the lines, and was partway through slicing the oranges.
The Government are to furlough the lack of opposition parties
No, it’s not a threat to democracy, it is not like they are doing anything anyway.
Livers urge owners to stop drinking and get a lockdown hobby
Livers in open revolt, as lockdown drinking hits the roof! “Get a hboby and stop the abuse” they cry!
“Let’s help those that are helping themselves,” says Think Tank
There is a risk that the highest tax burden will fall on those working hardest to avoid paying any!
Xmas cheer as Lockdown means Uncle Jack isn’t coming for Xmas
I grew up with him, so you get used to it, but it’ no fun for the rest of the family.
Fat Santa told to shield during the bleak mid-winter
Fat Santa ordered to shield from Corona Virus as his weight, diet and lifestyle means he’s in the high-risk group.
The Chatty Chimp 