Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Tory Whips punish MP for ‘moral epiphany’
The trouble with whipping the little darlings is that the stiffer the punishment the more they like it.
House of Commons stage Ice Dance Spectacular
Princess Flo is a kind soul who is gentle, charitable and caring: This angers Quill, who casts an evil spell over her that turns her heart to ice.
Smell something different with Westminster Scented Candles
The Commons candle smells of freshly laundered money, Russian Vodka and Dry Rot, with high-notes of Bullshit
Government changes procurement rules to the Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM)
The Service Contract Assignment Method will ensure transparency when it comes to bribes and back handers
Isolated tribe of Special Advisers roam the corridors of power
It appears that the policies they have devised are so impenetrably convoluted that even the politicians can’t understand them.
Mark Francois to stand in for Boris Johnson
A good soldier is always ready, I’ve got my potato-peeler
Priti Patel to fight for UFC title under the name Paticake
“I can take those bitches down. I eat pussies like you for breakfast” says Paticake
All Hail Ming The Merciless, Emperor
Ming The Merciless heralds in a government for the wealthy by the wealthy.
Hunchback of Notre Dame to make Big Ben bong on Brexit Day
Hunchback of Notre Dame to make Big Ben bong. Mark Francois ‘If you wanted an ugly, repulsive, hunch-back to ring the bell, surely it should have been me?’
MP Suspended over sexual misconduct but it wasn’t Boris Johnson
An MP was suspended yesterday, following allegations of sexual impropriety. There was widespread surprise when it turned out to NOT be Boris Johnson.
Parliament’s Saturday session contravenes the EU Working Time Directive
Parliament’s Saturday session contravenes the EU’S Working Time Directive. Staff health and safety is most important says Speaker.
The Chatty Chimp 