Having relegated Middlesbrough, we thought Gareth Southgate was perfect for the England job, says FA Spokesman.

Chatty's back and he's bloody annoyed with England's plastic patriots. You've woken him from his afternoon nap.

It's not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious it's Europeansuperleagueistotallyatrocious

The annual lack of personality award goes to a colossal dullard.

I am considering moving to Manchester United, so I don't have to play him again

Man United, booted out of Europe's second most pointless trophy, they don't even have the consolation of a consolation prize…

The horny little buggers have too much time on their paws and the result is that they are making more…

Now matter how hard I try, it turns out that I am really shite, admits Professional Footballer, 110% is not…