Monkey Business

Launch of UK’s last remaining production car, The Plonker, doesn’t go well

As the last of the major UK based car makers, announces plans to shift production overseas, one plucky British company, The Trotters, launch their new four door saloon, The Plonker.

Unfortunately, launch day didn’t go as planned, the millennial models they hired were only used to automatics and drove the car straight into the River.

Spokesman, Ian Napton said, “That’s the trouble with launching something new, you just don’t know what will go wrong. Looks like we picked the right name for it.”

Adding, “With these companies leaving we saw a market gap, so we gathered the best talent left in the country and gave it a go.”

The company has set out, in The Prospective Investors Brochure, what they believe makes Britain’s, first, Post-Brexit Car unique.

At Trotters we want to monetise the nostalgia vibe, so we’ve cut down on modern gadgets, to bring back an authentic driving experience.

We’ve removed the need for air-conditioning by not having a roof or windows, putting the driver in touch with his environment.

Our team cut down on expensive parts, like Ceramic Brakes, by using a brick on a stick. The driver pushes it against the wheel to stop the car, this should generate ongoing revenue through brick and stick sales. 

Following Brexit we don’t have to bother with all those NCAP Safety Ratings, so instead of air bags, each car comes with a nice cushion. It’s dual purpose, you can sit on it, given the lack of suspension you’ll want to, and then use it to cover your face in the event of a crash.

We’re sure that by investing in The Plonker you will support your country and make someone else very rich.’

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