Heroic Boris Johnson admits British Soldiers will die in the Middle-East but it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make. albeit not personally.

“Be under no illusion, I am prepared to do anything Donald Trump wants me to do, be it selling contaminated food, giving him the NHS or allowing young northerners to die horribly, thousands of miles from home. It’s a sacrifice I am willing to make, in order to get a trade deal and because he’s my real daddy.”

His attack dog, Dominic Raabid, has already labelled Qassem Soleimani a terrorist and claimed that firing missiles at him from a warplane was an act of self-defence. In fact, he went on to explain that the Americans were actually bringing peace to the region, by firing very peaceful, peace bombs at a country they are not at war with.

Meanwhile, the Iranians said Soleimani was a General in their army and you can’t just go around killing people you don’t like, even if you do wear a very shiny suit. They went on to explain to Mr Trump that this isn’t an episode of Jack Ryan.

As a result of the American’s peace mission, they’ve also managed to anger the people of Iraq. A country they have been extensively and vigorously pacifying for the last 17 years. As a consequence of the blowing up of Soleimani, the Iraqi’s have asked the Americans and British to leave, on the grounds that they have had about all the pacification they can take. Unfortunately, Trump is unwilling to leave unless the Iraqi’s pay him lots more money to stop pacifying them.

Brits can sleep safe in their beds knowing that Johnson and Raab are ready to sacrifice people for no good reason whatsoever.