Local resident Stuart Reader has complained to Merton Council about ordering the removal of his solar panels from the south facing side of his roof.

Although Merton Council declared a climate emergency in 2019, and aim to be carbon neutral by 2050, Mr Reader must remove the solar panels because he didn’t seek planning permission, which he was required because he lives in a designated conservation area.

“Conservation area!?” exclaimed Mr Reader …. “It’s the most boring effing street in the UK!”…. “Where I live there’s nothing remotely exceptional architecturally and I’ve already dropped my carbon output by 50kg”

When challenged about this a spokesperson for Merton Council countered the claim with…. “Ah well that’s what he thinks but have you seen the gable designs of some of the houses… and there’s some lovely trees”

“We have granted permission for solar panels to be installed on other properties where Mr Reader lives, but on the north facing side of the roof” …. Grant you that side gets hardly any sun but the street that runs behind his property we don’t give a shit about”

Peter Brown-Envelope, Council Spokesperson

In other local news, Environmental Committee Leader, Councillor Benny Forster, who lives opposite Mr Reader, has put his house up for sale to downsize after the death of his two beloved massive English Mastiffs when his double size wood burning stove collapsed on top of them.