“This is my vision for growth in the UK, Mr Speaker. Every time a Labrador farts, its owner will pay a £10 tax. Our financial black hole will become a thing of the past thanks to Labradors’ back holes and I commend this statement to the House.”

“Chris Mason, your thoughts?”

“Well, it’s an extraordinary Budget, Sophie. Rachel Reeves has looked past her obvious options for raising new money and hit out at another minority yet again, this time Labrador owners.”

“Older viewers may remember when we paid an annual Dog Licence Fee. Seven and six my grandad told me it was, so a tax on dogs isn’t an entirely new idea, but this Labrador Tax is oddly specific and really hits owners up and down the country.”

“How will it be enforced?”

“Those details aren’t clear yet, Sophie. One option could be sort some of self-assessment where owners declare how gassy their best friend has been and pay up accordingly, or we could have a banding system, a bit like Council Tax, but where your dog goes up through progressively more expensive bands as it gets older and gassier, reaching £10 per fart by the time the dog is, say, ten years old. We’ll have to wait and see.”

“Thank you, Chris. Well, early reactions from Labrador owners and other interested parties aren’t promising for the government. Vicky Young is at the headquarters of Guide Dogs For The Blind.

“Hello Sophie, and yes, I’m here with Guide Dogs spokesman, Alan Smith, and his Labrador, Winnie. What do you think of the Labrador Tax, Mr Smith?”

“It’ll bankrupt me. This dog isn’t called Winnie for nothing.”

“Perhaps you could explain that for our viewers, Mr Smith?”

“Winnie! Winnie The Pooh!” He farts like a buffalo. Perhaps buffalo owners should pay up, too?”

“Back to you, Sophie.”

A spokesman for Reform Limited said “Thanks for the extra votes, Chancellor.”

Meanwhile, Rachel Reeves is thinking of yet more chronically stupid ways to raise tax instead of asking to rejoin the EU, and this one-term government continues.