Not for the first time, parties in Downing Street are under scrutiny. Boris Johnson suffocated under the weight of denials relating to parties which didn’t happen, and if they did, he wasn’t there, and if he was there, social distancing rules were observed. Tonight, though, open celebration is the order of the day.

The Prime Minister, Sir Keir Starmer, and Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rachel Reeves, are partying like it’s 1999 after Andrew Mountbatten Windsor lost both his title of “Prince” and his home in Windsor on the same day that the Daily Mail published a story about Reeves’ failure to secure a licence to rent out her family home in South London last year and yet another scandal loomed large for the government.

“This is bloody brilliant news,” a Downing Street spokesman told us. “The only thing which could have saved Rachel from the wolves was a Royal story, and look at this! Fantastic!”

Earlier in the day, things weren’t looking great for the Chancellor. An administrative oversight by a letting agent had left her in the crosshairs of the Tory Party and press. Kemi Badenough called for Reeves to be sacked. Even the Lib Dems, normally a placid lot, put the boot in. But the harshest criticism of the Chancellor unexpectedly came from within the Labour Party itself.

“I was bloody sacked when I moved house,” former Deputy Prime Minister, Angela Raymer, fumed. “Why hasn’t she been sacked?”

Tonight, loud music and party cannons could be heard from the upper floors above the famous black front door at 10 Downing Street as Starmer and Reeves partied until late, celebrating the timing of the royal news.

“Now Rachel can get back to fucking up the Budget and the economy, like everyone expects,” the Downing Street spokesman added.

Meanwhile, the government continues and Laura Keunsberg asks Nigel Farage if this is all the fault of immigrants.