On the plus side, we did find Priti Patel’s compassion hidden on a barren rock 4.4 billion light years away.
James Webb Telescope unable to find Brexit Benefits
Brexit Opportunities Minister makes the most of his opportunity to sell the Pound
Look, if one can do it, anyone can do it, says the man selling Britain, as fast as he can, “It’s a great opportunity”
Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Priti Patel opens Pop Up Taco Bar to help Ukrainian Refugees
“Why would we bother spying? We recruited most of your civil servants, bought the government and even have our man in the Lords!” says Vlad the Bad
Vladimir Putin gets cat and moves to secret underground lair
Putin’s invasion of Ukraine is just an audition for the role of Bond Villain that got a bit out of hand.
Rats flee sinking ship as party boat springs a leak
The Party Boat, HMS Moronic, crashes into ice berg, rats flee to save their own skins.
Brutus and Co start dagger collection for Caesar
The imminent, unexpected and wildly applauded stabbing of Caesar Johnsonius is underway.
Tories feast on the rotting and bloated flesh of another failed leader
Tories delight “It’s just like the good old days” says one MP as he prepares to feast on another failed leader.
Charitable Chatty raises funds to buy Boris a lifetime supply of condoms
Let’s club together and make sure that no more children have to suffer the shame of admitting Boris is their Dad.
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Spurs fans stocking up after it’s announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
The Chatty Chimp 