Wed. Jan 27th, 2021
Nigel Farage

Considered by many to be a long-overdue promotion to Obergeneralcuntnant. The award is recognition of the colossal amounts of money he and his friends have made at the British Public’s expense.

Thanks to Nigel, making a colossal fortune in the city has never been easier. You just bet on everything to go down, and it does. Even my inbred idiot-son, Giles-Giles IV, is making millions, and he’s so dumb Nanny still ties his shoe-laces in the morning! If he can do it, anyone can.

Sir Crispin Odious, Corpulent Money Maker

The rank of Obergeneralcuntnant translates into English as ‘obnoxious, elitist, small-minded wankstain’.  His previous rank, Untergeneralcuntnant, is better known as ‘smarmy, oily,  and arrogant cock-womble’. This is often shortened to Piers Morgan, as in ‘get a move on, you, the Piers Morgan wants to see you in his office’.

Many see the elevation of Obergeneralcuntnant Farage as evidence of Germany’s final victory. As the inspirational leader of a Germanic cult, fuelled by hatred, bigotry and petty nationalism, he is the embodiment of old fashioned Hannovarian values.  

The decision to reward Nigel came about following a publicity campaign organised by the respected independent British papers; The Mail, Express, and the Sun. It has nothing to do with a social media campaign that felt that New Year’s Honours were a bit ‘woke’, and this was an easy way to pick up new readers. The newspapers’ editors claim they reflect their readers ‘enlightened’ views.

Our readers like nothing more than to gaze wistfully at a giant tit over their early morning Darjeeling.  

Murdoch, Unscrupulous muck-raker

Her Majesty will present Obergeneralcuntant Farage with his award, at the German Embassy, inside Buckingham Palace.

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By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

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