Chatty's back and he's bloody annoyed with England's plastic patriots. You've woken him from his afternoon nap.

The official Cabinet Minster Apology Template, currently being used by Matt Hancock

Audience identifies minsters responses as a machine. Turing left baffled.

Meanwhile the mop used to clean the toilet is for sale on EBAY, where a Mr N Witch is winning…

Astronomy is really boring, I thought there would be aliens and lasers and stuff but it is all just rocks.

It's not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious it's Europeansuperleagueistotallyatrocious

Ewan Ewan, professional Welsher, is adamant that Van Gogh was proper Welsh and that going to Europe ruined him.

It's Health and Safety gone mad, before you know it they will stop you having sex with the livestock next.…