A Middle-Aged, White, Working-Class, Atheist has managed to navigate his way through a large, ethnically diverse, capital city without succumbing to murdering people he didn’t like.

Daniel Napton (54), from Hastings, spent the day quietly going about his business in London without so much as a thought of acting on racial, misogynistic or homophobic prejudices because, as it turns out, he doesn’t actually have any.

“I don’t really care where people are from, or how they were born, as long as they’re basically happy.” said Mr Napton. “If they want to believe in fairy tales and make stuff up in order to get through the night, then who am I to deny them, as long as they don’t go around saying “My fictitious saviour is better than your fictitious saviour” and getting all uppity with bombs, guns and knives about it.”

He went on to add, “The way I see it, life is difficult enough without someone coming along acting the cu*t because of how, and where, you were born. Let’s just go out and be nice to each other, and see what happens. This isn’t America you know.”

One Daily Mail reader, Barry Gammon, explained, “That’s communist talk. If you don’t have someone to irrationally hate every morning, are you even British? You’ve got to believe you’re better than someone else, no matter what the evidence suggests, or what’s the point?”