Boris reassures the nation’s kids that there is no shortage of Xmas toys
Of course there is a shortage of Xmas toys, Boris has bought them all for his kids!
Man stockpiles his own ’emissions’ as gas shortages mount
This could open new job opportunities in gas creation. Imagine hundreds of middle aged men spending all day drinking beer…
Cat burglar bungles burglary at cattery when cats strike back
Catastrophic scenes at cattery as police maim bungling burglar in botched burglary.
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel
Shapps introduces conscription to end HGV Driver shortage
Conscription will make the most of teenagers ability to sit on their arse for hours on end, while eating junk…
Charlie Duckins turns to our Victorian Problem Pages for help and advice
For there is little that troubleth a man more, than an errant wife.
BBC News in meltdown as young Prince makes tinkle without Nanny
Meanwhile the mop used to clean the toilet is for sale on EBAY, where a Mr N Witch is winning…
Sir Moore Patrick claims that Astronomy isn’t funny anymore
Astronomy is really boring, I thought there would be aliens and lasers and stuff but it is all just rocks.