Ex-Prince Andrew pays out millions despite having done nothing wrong
What's the point of being a rich, powerful, connected, white-man if you can't do who the hell you like?
Rats flee sinking ship as party boat springs a leak
The Party Boat, HMS Moronic, crashes into ice berg, rats flee to save their own skins.
Queen to testify that she saw Andrew in Pizza Express
El Queenie to appear in a NYC Court. The Yanks love a Queen, she'll blow them away, says over entitled…
Boris Johnson to lose passport after admitting cocaine use
Spurs fans stocking up after it's announced that cocaine use would lead to football banning order.
Boris reassures the nation’s kids that there is no shortage of Xmas toys
Of course there is a shortage of Xmas toys, Boris has bought them all for his kids!
Man stockpiles his own ’emissions’ as gas shortages mount
This could open new job opportunities in gas creation. Imagine hundreds of middle aged men spending all day drinking beer…
Cat burglar bungles burglary at cattery when cats strike back
Catastrophic scenes at cattery as police maim bungling burglar in botched burglary.
UN Criticises Priti Patel for using Doctor’s receptionists to repel migrants
This will go down a treat in the Tory heartlands and with the Daily Mail, says Priti Patel