Look, if one can do it, anyone can do it, says the man selling Britain, as fast as he can, “It’s a great opportunity”
Brits promise to punish Putin by not buying a Lada
That’ll show ’em says classic car enthusiast and peace protestor, Ian Napton
Queen’s funeral plans released, British tat makers say “Kerching, Ma’am”
As Britain contemplates life under King Charlie, souvenir tea towel makers are ramping up production.
Italy v England, what’s the difference?
Having relegated Middlesbrough, we thought Gareth Southgate was perfect for the England job, says FA Spokesman.
NASA beaten by Ant and Dec on launch day
If NASA were more willing to get in a bath full of live rats, or spend a night in Newport, people might respond better to them.
Priti Patel plans to cut homeless people in half, literally
With their hands full mismanaging Covid and Brexit, the government is struggling to keep up with some of its 2019 Manifesto promises. However, Home Secretary Priti Patel has been working hard to […]
UK gets barbies, cork hats and pissy lager in Aussie-style Brexit
Of course Australia doesn’t have a FTA with the EU, there are some individual deals in place but then it is 6,000 miles away, so who cares?
Baggy Johnson searches for his Churchill moment
As Boris sits in the Downing Street War Room, pushing wooden blocks about with a broom, dreams of glory in his mind, the nation faces its darkest hour!
Asylum seekers to be sent to a remote island, just not this one
The Orkneys, Shetlands and Anglesey are popular destinations as they are miles away from London.
Newsreaders to get poker-face training following Trump’s positive test
Newsreaders around the world can’t stop laughing at Donald Trump testing positive for Covid. “God certainly has a sense of humour” said one.
Lorry drivers can pre-book their own space in the Brexit traffic jam
If you are committed to being in the traffic jam anyway, if you’ve booked your slot, you don’t actually need to be there.
Millionaire winner celebrates with a caravan holiday
If he didn’t know what to do with it, he could have phoned a friend!