Thu. Jul 7th, 2022
Kapa is kaput

Maurizio Sarri, famous for his unusual methods, may have gone a step too far, with the appointment of British Prime Minister, Theresa May as Chelsea’s goal keeping coach. 

Having signed Kepa Arrizabalaga for a world record fee, Sarri was keen to develop the mental side of the young keeper’s game.

However, the plan spectacularly back fired when Arrizabalaga refused to be substituted as The League Cup Final finished in a draw. 

Sarri wanted to replace Kepa  with someone who was actually good at saving penalties, but following Theresa May’s example, the keeper refused to leave the pitch. 

The Prime Minster has been working on Kepa’s psychological resilience, mental toughness and unwillingness to accept reality. Her philosophy of; “No matter what anyone says or how lost and hopeless the situation, just ignore them and carry on.” being the mantra.

After the initial laughter had worn off, even Chelsea hating football fans were criticising the keeper, saying; “What a bell-end!”. 

Theresa herself said; “That’s my boy! 100,000 people screaming at you, your team mates and manager calling for you to get off the pitch but still you stand there, ready to make sure you lose the game, that’s the May way.”

Arrizabalaga still refused to leave the pitch after the game was finished and was last seen still standing, forlornly, between the goal posts of an empty Wembley Stadium, his coach’s words ringing in his ears “You are the chosen one and everyone loves you, don’t listen to them, my precious.” 


By Wild Gerald

Gerald has been running around the country, flinging poo, for many years. He is no longer wild, merely slightly annoyed.

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