Having relegated Middlesbrough, we thought Gareth Southgate was perfect for the England job, says FA Spokesman.

Chatty's back and he's bloody annoyed with England's plastic patriots. You've woken him from his afternoon nap.

It's not supercalifragilisticexpialidocious it's Europeansuperleagueistotallyatrocious

The annual lack of personality award goes to a colossal dullard.

I'd already erected the goalposts, painted the lines, and was partway through slicing the oranges.

I am considering moving to Manchester United, so I don't have to play him again

Man United, booted out of Europe's second most pointless trophy, they don't even have the consolation of a consolation prize…

Man Utd player asks for the EPL to be delayed so he can finish his book