He is not The MessiahMonkey News

He’s Not The Messiah, he’s not even a naughty boy

Scientists, working at the University of Life, have concluded that Nigel Farage is not The Messiah, he’s not even a vary naughty boy!

The confusion arose when Nigel pledged to walk 250 of his people out of oppression and tyranny, to the promised land of London. He’d even laid on a bus.

One noted theologian said, “No, hang on! Isn’t that Moses?”

Preaching to the faithful, Nigel is fighting to free his people from the tyranny and oppression, of a series of mutually beneficial agreements that have bought peace and prosperity to Europe for 45 years.

His Brexit Betrayal Crusade is to show the political class that 250 people won’t stand for a Brexit cancellation. Nigel plans to  do this by not walking from Sunderland to London. “That showed ’em, huh!”*

One disciple said. “Obviously, as the Son of God, you can’t expect him to walk all that way. It’s not like he can walk on water. So, it’s our job to do the actual walking for him.

Believers cite his various miracles; the feeding of the 250 using a regular supply of kebab vans, turning water into Carling at Wetherspoons, hosting a dinner for the money lenders in the Grand Hotel and touching the hearts and minds of the afflicted.

Scientists, however, conducted a series of tests and concluded, from his DNA, that he wasn’t the son of god. Unless God was an alcoholic stockbroker from Kent. Theologians have determined he was not.

The Origins of the Messiah Story

This one came from the image of Nigel Farage standing atop a bus, with his arms outstretched. He was posed as Jesus giving a sermon. Add in a touch of Monty Python’s Life of Brian and your off. 

*refers to Life of Brian, where the Suicide Squad race to the crucified Brian’s rescue. 

There is a good synopsis of the film here; https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monty_Python%27s_Life_of_Brian


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