Neanderthal Skeleton undergoing an ATOS interviewMonkey Business

Neanderthal declared fit to work by ATOS

Neanderthal, Jan Naptonmann, was declared fit for work after ATOS undertook an ‘At Home’ inspection of the 150,000  year old, Welsh resident.

Although, the DWP acknowledge his wide range of health problems, they say they aren’t a barrier to him getting a job. The Inspector feels withdrawing benefits would give Jan the motivation he needs to find employment.

A DWP spokesman explained, “Our assessment considered Mr Naptonmann’s skill set. We understand he originally trained as a hunter gatherer and there’s not a lot of call for that now. Importantly, there are a wide range of alternative occupations, for a Neanderthal in his condition.”

“For example, he could work as; a Glockenspiel, a fashion model, a door stop or a ghost., and if he fancied acting, he’d make a great Yorick. He just needs to develop a more positive mental attitude.”

Jan Naptonmann has lived in his hole in the ground, in South Wales, for the last 150,000 years. However, if his benefits aren’t reinstated, he’ll have to move out of his current home. Therefore, deportation back to Northern Germany, as an unsupported economic migrant, may be a real possibility.

A review of his daily living needs, by Pantywad Council, concluded his property exceeds his needs and would better suit a single mother and child. Crucially, the second ‘bedroom’ was added on his death, as a store for precious burial items; comb’s, needles, knives, bone fragments, tools and a recorder. Consequently, there’s little justification for him to remain here. 

The Origin of the Fit to Work Story

Disability Assessments, undertaken on behalf of the DWP, have been heavily criticised in the media. These stories highlight the difficulties of living with disability.

It’s not the first time we’ve tackled this subject. The main addition to this story is the risk of deportation.

So here is a report about 83% of MS Patients, winning appeals against their disability assessment;

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