Sun. May 22nd, 2022
The Tower

With the lockdown in full operation, air pollution levels continue to fall. This has delivered an unexpected bonus, people can now see things that are usually obscured by the haze. For Example, it’s now possible to see The Eiffel Tower, Paris, from the roof-top terrace at The Shard, London.

“Aw, mate, I couldn’t adam* it. I could see fuckin’ Paris, where they’ve got that bloomin’ great tower thingy. Usually, you can’t get a butchers** at it, because of the cheese fumes.” said gentrified mockney, Del Napton.  

Some lovely French Cheese

The Government immediately hailed this as proof that its environmental policies were finally paying dividends. “At least we haven’t had Greta bleating on at us for the last two weeks!” said one petty official***.

Meanwhile, Mr Farage**** was outraged, ney, incandescent! “People are taking advantage of our clear skies to look at the ruddy French. We just fought a very long campaign to get rid of the bloody French, and here you are gawping at them like a shoal of guppy fish at feeding time. We have perfectly good towers here. Why aren’t you all looking at British Towers? Turn around, look at the fantastic Blackpool Tower, Burnley’s world-famous Tower of Lard or Barad-Dur.”

Blackpool Tower

The Daily Mail has come out in support of his campaign.

President Macron*****, however, has decided to enrage Daily Mail readers by wrapping Le Tower Eiffel in grey sheeting. “If you want to be out of Europe, then as your premier philosopher, Monsieur Flanagan, says, ‘You’re out, and that means out, out.’ So, No! You cannot gaze on my magnificent erection.”

Mockney Glossary

*Adam and Eve = Believe

**Butchers Hook = Look

***Petty Official = Michael Gove

****Nigel Farage = Giant British Cock

*****President Macron = Giant French Cock


By The Chatty Chump

Given his name by The Editor for good reason, although both parties refuse to speak of it. Lucky to still have a tyre swing.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!