In the wake of hugely productive talks over the creation of an unfathomably brilliant 48-team World Cup, allowing space for sporting giants such as Azerbaijan, Lithuania and Bhutan, plans are afoot for a further expansion of the European Championships.

UEFA press guru, Dr Darren Devine, was on hand to unveil the scheme; “In 2016 we took a crucial step forward, moving from 16 to 24 teams. It’s only logical now that we move to the next stage in our evolution – 54 teams.”

On the feasibility of the plan, Devine explained, “It allows us to have a streamlined qualification phase, which will now consist of a one-off match between San Marino and the Faroe Islands to see which one isn’t allowed to qualify.”

Asked what this would mean for countries like Scotland, Devine said, “Of course we can still expect a certain amount of Scotlanding from Scotland. Our analysts predict that the first game between San Marino and the Faroes would probably result in a close-fought 2-0 loss for the Scots, seeing them unfortunately miss out.”

As to the inspiration behind the idea, “Well that’s simple. It’s definitely not about money. We don’t even care about money. It’s about erm, well, quality of competition of course. What competition isn’t improved by having more games between Slovakia and Lichtenstein? Imagine the European Championships where you have room for both Georgia and Luxembourg. That really has to be the peak of footballing excellence.”

The Origins of the European Championships Story

Our sports correspondent, Alain Sheerer, has long had a bee in his bonnet about the pointless expansion of major championships. He argues, that the competition is not made better by having non-competitive games in it. 

He is not the only one to have commented on Scotland’s footballing pedigree; https://chattychimp.wordpress.com/2018/11/24/scottish-fitba-sells-television-rights-for-4-pints-of-heavy-3-sausage-rolls-and-packet-of-cheese-and-onion-crisps/

Details of the Euro 2020 Qualification Games can be found here; https://www.uefa.com/european-qualifiers