Sat. Oct 31st, 2020

Murdered Labour MP Jo Cox is fine with Boris Johnson’s claim that the best way to honour her memory would be to “get on and deliver Brexit,” a spiritual medium has said.  

“Granted, Jo was a staunch remainer when she was alive, but the afterlife has changed all that and now there’s nothing she wants more than to see Britain dragged out of the EU by a grotesque egomaniac who thinks he’s the Incredible Hulk,” spiritualist Penelope Hurst said. 

“You get a great perspective from up there and in actual fact, God is pretty much more Old Testament than New. He’s all in favour of plagues and famine, and Brexit should be good for that. He’s also quite big on bloodshed and smiting, so even if the Prime Minister does recklessly incite violence then Jo reckons the man upstairs is all in favour,” Hurst said. 

“I know this might come as a bit of a surprise but there were several witnesses at my Conservative Club séance who can all vouch for me. By the way, Jo also said Dominic Cummings is not, despite appearances, the Antichrist. Apparently, it’s Jeremy Corbyn. Who knew?”


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By Orange Utahan

Orange Utahan lays claim to being the smartest ape in the house. Not sure if that means he's really bright or....

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!