Sir Ringo Starr has been in the headlines this week after slamming plans to repurpose the Yellow Submarine as a Trident Nuclear Sub.

Sir Ringo, who was knighted earlier this year for his stellar work on Thomas The Tank Engine, told the media, “This is a bloody disgrace! The Yellow Submarine was meant to be a bit of light, childish fun about the dangers of taking too many serious hallucinogenics in the broom cupboard of Abbey Road, not about nuclear Armageddon!”

Speaking about the decision to repurpose a fictional submarine from a 1966 song and later a 1968 animated film, which is enjoyed exclusively by Beatles nerds and stoners, Peter Fakename at HMNB Clyde stated, “We want the nation to enjoy the Yellow Submarine again, but this time as our first line of defence against the Koreans.”

Sir Ringo has been campaigning about removing the nuclear armaments from the Yellow Submarine, now docked at Faslane in Scotland, but unfortunately has been getting nowhere.

“I had to pretend to be Paul McCartney just to get a meeting with the board of directors,” he told us yesterday, “And when I did get in, they just wanted me to play Hey Jude. I offered Octopus’s Garden but they weren’t having it.”

We also asked Labour Leader Jeremy Corbyn about his stance on the situation, but as the nuclear weapons are in Scotland, he couldn’t give two sh*ts.

“I’m planning a benefit concert,” Starr informed us, “A Concert for Bangladesh style thing – remember when George did it? Well, the idea is I get some of my friends together and we arrive at Faslane and sing until they remove the Yellow Submarine and we can take it back to Pepperland.”

Sir Ringo is still waiting to be released by Military Police for protesting and being under the influence of Class A drugs whilst declaring himself not only to be the King of Faslane, but also of the Island of Sodor.

We’ll have more on the story when it resurfaces.