Tue. Jan 25th, 2022

Widespread outrage is extending amongst Middle England, as their petition to exclude themselves from certain DVLA rules has been dismissed.

Multiple signatories had expressed the desire to be formally exempt from general ‘irritating’ rules, which had caused  ‘abject distress.’

Firstly, 4X4 vehicle drivers, insisted that they be permitted to park freely on double yellow lines, as well as the zig-zags in front of schools. Speaking passionately, Gillian Napton of Clapham declared, ‘’It’s utterly frightful if Tilly and Tarquin are expected to walk more than two metres to the car, after an exhausting day of studies.’’

Furthermore, a cluster of Volvo drivers resolutely demanded authorisation for driving continuously in the middle lane on the motorway, without fear of being undertaken by ‘inferior’ car models.

Alongside this, a party of Mercedes’ owners desired the opportunity to use any lane they chose, on the approach to roundabouts, including the possibility of two simultaneously. Ian Napton confirmed, ‘’It really is rather unnecessary to be confined to one lane and indicating is simply a vulgar habit.’’

Standing firm, the ‘Association of Superior Road Elite Signees’, or A.R.S.E.S, are intending to take their entreaty to the High Court.


By Lady Tamsyn Marie

Lady Tamsyn Marie elegant, charming and more vicious than Mary Poppins

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!