Tue. Jan 25th, 2022
never eaten peaches

The American President has finally found himself subject to impeachment proceedings. He is understandably outraged, “I’m peachy but I’ve never eaten Peaches” he claimed, before adding, “I’m more of an Orange man myself. Anyone who knows me knows how much I like sucking the juice out of a large Valencian or getting my hands on a juicy, young, Clementine.”

Democrats were suitably upset. One of the Clinton’s said, “This is outrageous, he definitely said his Maw Maw made ‘the bestest peach cobbler ever’, that ‘no-one bested her cobblers’ and he’s full of cobblers but now he’s claiming he’s never eaten peaches. There needs to be an enquiry.”

Meanwhile, journalists were searching social media for any evidence that Mr Trump had ever eaten peaches. CNN claimed they’ve uncovered footage of Trump eating a Peach Melba. However, Fox News claim this is fake and are showing a reel of Trump getting stuck into a couple of big juicy, melons.

Many of Donald’s supporters are now boycotting peaches in protest. Subsequently, Peaches have confirmed that the strip club is open as usual and Donald’s booth is available.

Consequently, the Attorney General was left wondering what to do next. He was unable to find anyone who was willing to explain to Mr Trump what impeachment meant and it’s beginning to look like he is going to get away with it, again.


By Bernard

Bernard has been with us since the beginning. Bright, funny and blessed with a sharp satirical edge are things he wish had been said about him.

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