Mon. Oct 26th, 2020
SCAM Payments

The Government is facing accusations that their Procurement Process is shrouded in mystery, and fails to show how ministers and advisers take their cut. A leaked briefing paper shows how the Government plans to use SCAM, to make this process transparent.

The document proposes auctioning off major government procurement contracts under a new process called Service Contract Assignment Method (SCAM). Service contracts will be listed on eBay and companies will be given the opportunity to bid for them. The winning bid will be assigned the contract and payment made using Bitcoin.

This system will ensure that the process is completely visible and open to public scrutiny throughout the bidding process

Leaked Document

The winning bidder will be allowed to charge an index-linked fee for providing the service and, in a radical move claimed to promote the sustainability of the new contracts, a proportion of the fee will be used to pay a bonus to the accountable Minister’s salary.

Ministers will be focused on ensuring that the system succeeds because they’ll have skin in the game.

Some complete chancer

The proposal is thought to be part of an ongoing restructuring and transformation programme to simplify processes and encourage upward mobility in government by ensuring that Ministers can afford to retire early; thus vacating their position at the trough for “rising stars” .

Nobody from the government would make official comment on the veracity of the story, but one anonymous insider was overheard exclaiming “WOOOHOOOOOOOO!”


Do you fancy writing for the 83rd Best Satire Site on the Internet?

Think you can write a better story? Why not give it a go? Send your fantastical tale to submissions@chattychimp.com

We look forward to hearing from you.


We designed this shirt, out of a sense of frustration with our political masters.

Meanwhile the government continues
identicon

By Simian MacAque

Simian, sits and looks at the world and wonders, how the hell did they become the dominant species?

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!