There are 161,000 stranded British holidaymakers. The Government is appealing for anyone with a small boat, paddle-board or canoe to sail to France and help bring Brits home.

In scenes unheard of since the previous government-orchestrated calamity, British travellers face being left to get on with it. Unless French beaches are clear by Sunday night, the plucky Brits will have to remain in a country with much better pandemic survival rates than the UK.

Grant Shat, Transport Supremo, is urging people to get anything that floats and sail it to France, to pick up the trapped Brits. The tabloids are calling it ‘Operation Sunkirk’.

We need to bring Brits home before they realise how much better off they are in France. I’m calling on the nation to get behind our sailors, and help out the Conservative Party in our hour of need.

Grant Shat, Transport Supremo

The Home Office warn anyone considering joining in with Operation Sunkirk, to ensure that their passengers have the necessary blue passports.

Giles Giles and his family have been staying in a delightful little Gite.

It’s fine, we’ll stay. The weather’s fabulous, the bread’s to die for and there’s oodles of wine and cheese. You should see the hounds, they love it. We wouldn’t want to put anyone out, we will be happy to stick it out until things get better. Got to keep a stiff upper lip and all that. See you at Xmas.

Giles Giles

Anyone returning from France, after Le Weekend, will need to quarantine for 14 days, or 48 minutes if they are a Government minister, or a minister’s; friend, family member or cash-donor.

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