Fri. Oct 22nd, 2021
Pile of Horse Manure

Amazon Prime airs Jeremy Clarkson’s latest series. Labelled as the must-see TV Programme of the century, this ground-breaking documentary follows the beloved presenter as he tries to unclog his colon.

Bereft of ideas and imagination, Amazon Prime returns to the world of Jeremy Clarkson. Having enthralled the world with Clarkson in; cars, trucks, planes, boats, caravans, at home, in a tent and on a farm, some idiot thought it was a good idea to lock him in a lavatory.  

The creative impulse came about during the filming of Clarkson’s Farm. An underpaid intern commented that, “for a series about farming, there is nowhere near enough shit involved”. Always one to rise to the challenge, Jezza said, “Hang on a minute, I can feel it brewing”, and with that, they were off.

In preparation for the series, Jeremy existed on a diet of white bread, pasta, pastries, chips and McDonalds. Eating no foods with any fibre in, he commented, “I thought this was going to be hard!”.

Each episode starts with Clarkson taking a mug of tea and newspaper to the toilet. We are treated to his trademark quips and jokes. The tension builds while the audience wonders if today will be the day that Clarkson unleashes a ton of shit across the nation. Of course it is.

A variety of ‘characters’ join in the fun, as they try to help Jeremy to clear his blockage. In one episode, a noted body plumber pulls a face and waves a comedy hand to waft away the smell, before shining his light where the sun don’t shine. Oh, how we laugh.

There are amusing interviews with his Grand Tour co-stars. James May claims “Clarkson is full of shit, and no matter how huge his dump is, he will still be full of shit”. He wanders off muttering about the dumbing down of TV, and that this is the reason he can’t get his exciting new series, “The Roundabouts of Milton Keynes”, aired.

In response, Clarkson points out that May doesn’t have a farm, and this makes him bitter and twisted. Meanwhile, the Hamster was unavailable for comment, having just driven into a lamppost at 120 mph.

Netflix, on the other hand, intend to counter this Amazon shit show with a rival series. They’ve signed up James Cordon and are planning to film him wanking himself to death. The show is provisionally titled ‘Coming to a Sticky End’.

If you have an idea for pointless television, put it on a postcard and send it to a major TV Network. At the very least, it will keep the apes amused, whilst they circle the drain. Alternatively, why not use it to un-block your colon?

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By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!