Thu. Jul 7th, 2022
Jeremy says No

Yesterday Jeremy Corbyn issued a letter formally announcing his candidacy for the position of Tory Party Leader.

In what his supporters labelled as a cunning and daring move, Mr Corbyn has decided to enter the contest long after the winner was crowned. His fans claim he is both the master of the long game and a daring and revolutionary political genius.

Tory Grandee, Ken Clarke explained that ‘On the face of it this a perfectly reasonable political move but of course, after spending a lifetime in the wrong party its too late for me to change now.”

Other Tory members, known to be firmly opposed to the current leadership, said that ‘whilst they oppose Boris and everything he stands for they would rather eat their own entrails than allow Jeremy to take over as leader.”

Not everyone in the Labour Party was pleased with the move. The Blairite Wing said “this was politically naïve and doomed to failure. The last time Labour took over the Tory Party was when St Tony, simply adopted all their policies.” They are reconsidering their Labour party membership, and many have applied to join the Tories.

Jon Snow, C4 Newsreader and political columnist had to be rushed to hospital after hearing the news and collapsing with laughter, it was feared he had suffered a small stroke. Doctors were only able to stop the convulsions by showing him Nigel Farage’s latest poll figures.

Nish Kumar and co simply gave up and went down the pub.

Meanwhile Brexit continues.


By Bernard

Bernard has been with us since the beginning. Bright, funny and blessed with a sharp satirical edge are things he wish had been said about him.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!