New Men staring at womenMonkey Life

New Men are barely evolved semi-sentient apes

Concerns are growing amongst the group dubbed ‘new men’, that their partners have rumbled their inner Neanderthal nature.

Psychologists have defined this internal world as their sub-conscious ‘Benny Hill’. Now women have rumbled their little game and are not happy about it. Awkward questions have been raised.

Many men are outwardly supporting their spouses desire to be seen as beautiful, both, inside and out.  However an alarming number of men are mysteriously drawn to stereotypical ideals of beauty.

Ian tells me I’m gorgeous, every time he comes home from the pub but the moment you put a slim, busty, blonde in his radar, you virtually have to roll his tongue in.

Gillian Napton, suspicious kill-joy

While some men profess to be in touch with their feminine side, there is little evidence to substantiate this claim. Studies confirm that 75% of males are unable to use their washing machine, or knew the exact location of their laundry basket. A further 3% were unsure what either items were.

As women wise up to ‘manly’ wiles, a few have taken extraordinary steps to re-balance family dynamics. Sitting uncomfortably, Ian Napton told us, ‘Inexplicably the toilet roll ran out, which has never happened before and my pants drawer has been empty for days. I’ve been wearing my speedos for 72 hours.

If you are reading this article and wish to extinguish your inner ‘Benny Hill’, please reach out- preferably for your vacuum cleaner.

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