As part of a dynamic, free trading post Brexit world the UK government has decided to seize on Donald Trump’s love of islands by offering to sell him the Isle of Wight

The President recently tried to buy Greenland but was rebuffed. Knowing that he had cash to burn the burghers of Whitehall decided they could help restore the government finances by selling the island to the USA.

There are two unique selling points. Firstly, the name is thought to be particularly appealing to a man who can’t spell. Secondly, there is already a large prison on the island and this can be expanded to cover the whole area, like Alcatraz. He is thought to be especially pleased with this idea as he is under the mistaken belief that black people can’t swim and he can increase prisoner numbers without offending the liberal wing of the KKK.

Boris has bought in Chris Grayling to handle the sale. Noted for his keen business brain and the ability to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory many were left wondering how much we will have to pay for the president to take the island off our hands.

As the Isle of Wight is outside London and the Home Counties Tory MP’s felt that no one would miss it anyway. Local residents were delighted at the prospect of owning their own guns.