Boris in the ditchMonkey News

Plans underway to find a suitable ditch for Boris Johnson

Planning is underway to honour Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s wish to be “dead in a ditch” in the event that the UK does not leave the European Union on 31 October.

“Any responsible government plans for each possible outcome. That’s why we planned for a No Deal Brexit, although, on reflection, maybe somebody other than Michael Gove could have been involved in that,” said a spokesman for Number 10.

Twitter is awash with suggestions for ditch locations where the Prime Minister might like to spend his final moments, and planning is already at a surprisingly advanced stage. There seems little doubt that if a vote was put to the Commons on the matter, the Ayes would have it and Mr Johnson would be granted his wish.

Concerns have been expressed, however, that, once again, the Prime Minister may not really have meant what he said. “He has a track record on saying one thing and doing another,” said Ian Napton, a spokesman claiming to represent Liars Anonymous, although, of course, this may not have been true.

Earlier, as exclusively reported by Chatty, Jo Johnson resigned his family role as the Prime Minister’s brother. He is not expected to attend the funeral.

Brexit continues.