University Challenge has declared ‘Jeremy Corbyn’ as ineligible as an answer to any legitimate question, arsey host Jeremy Paxman has declared.

“Nothing has stumped us in almost sixty years, but this time we’ve met our match,” Paxman said. “You’d have thought it was easy, what with the country being run by a sock puppet with Dominic ‘Lurch’ Cummings’ hand up his arse. But even the question ‘Is Corbyn better than Johnson?’ proved unanswerable – a bit like deciding which Strictly competitor you hate the most.”

Researchers for the programme have spent four years trying to develop answers to why there is a Jeremy Corbyn, but after fully exploring avenues such as cheese, athlete’s foot and tweed were forced to focus on easier subjects such as eschatology and pop music.

One glimmer of hope arose in the area of evolution, when a particularly bright researcher suggested Corbyn and Johnson could both be deemed proof that our species will be driven to extinction through stupidity.

“But the obvious answer to that was Trump,” Paxman said. “Now fuck off.

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