Sun. May 22nd, 2022

After years of self-study, a scientist at The University of Life has discovered the best way to treat a hangover is to drink more.

The idea, first came to Dr Peter Wardy as an undergraduate. After 3 years of constant consumption of cheap alcohol, leading to regular hangovers, he wondered whether drinking more would make the symptoms go away.

He reasoned that alcohol was a pain reliever then it follows that it should also numb the headache and discomfort associated with a hangover. So began a 20 year research programme.

He kept a diary, recording nightly alcohol consumption, by type, price and brand and then scored the morning hangover on a comparative scale. Once completed he’d then drink more alcohol, again recording the type, amount and brand, to see if he felt better. This allowed him to compare the effect of drinking the alcohol responsible for the hangover, against drinking different beverages.

He received grant funding from the drinks industry. As details of the experiment became widely known he was inundated with requests from participants to join the study. This allowed him to compare and contrast the effect of alcohol on age, gender and body type. Although his data set does seem to be heavily collated in favour of female undergraduates.

Some critics questioned Dr Wardy’s objectivity, claiming “He’s just spent the last 20 years getting pissed every night with young women and all paid for by the drinks industry. This isn’t science, the man is a charlatan.” His defenders said, “What’s wrong with that? the man’s a genius, make mine a double!.”

Now, after 20 years, Dr Wardy has published his findings. In short, if you’ve a hangover, drink, drink and drink some more. It doesn’t matter about age, gender or body type, it will make you feel better. The Hair of The Dog is the Best way to start the day.

Arthur Smith commented, “It is finally good to see science doing the research that matters. This is the kind of information the man in the street needs to know. Sod that global warming malarkey, who cares. Cheers!”.


By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

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