Gwyneth Paltrow's MuffMonkey Business

The Nobel Prize for Sciencing goes to Gwyneth Paltrow for Gloop

The world of science and academia was stunned when the Nobel Prize for sciencing was awarded to Gwyneth Paltrow and her company, Gloop. The prize was awarded for their improvements to the scientific process, by making stuff up and not testing it to see if it works.

Many in sciencing thought the prize would go to someone who actually practised scientific methodology, contributed to the greater good, and added to humanity’s body of knowledge.

The Awards committee disagreed, saying, “The trouble is most scientists look like they’ve *spent the afternoon bog-snorkelling. In this media age, we need someone who looks good on the front page of Quarks and Quasars Quarterly. We felt, awarding the prize to a movie star would get maximum publicity and, possibly, us the chance to meet some actresses with loose morals or at least get invited to those kind of parties.”

Gloop was, recently, criticised for publishing articles from a ‘medical medium’*, who used divination to diagnose illness and gives advice from beyond the grave. This is the ground-breaking work Paltrow and Co hope will challenge conventional scientific teachings, lead to new forms of research and enquiry, as well as stopping people referring to her work as ‘Pseudoscience’.

We put this to Professor Bryan Cocks, a noted rationalist. After we’d given him 10 minutes to stop laughing, he said, “Really? a medical medium? Just F**k Off, go on, f**k off.”

Despite the criticisms, The Awards Committee have gone ahead with the presentation, as a pretty face on the cover of every national paper would, possibly, ignite somebody’s interest in science.

*I know we are supposed to make stuff up, but they got there first!

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Down with this sort of thing
Down with this sort of thing