Tensions are mounting, between a politically disparate couple, in the wake of the general election result.

Contentions reached fever pitch, when Ian Napton surprised his wife Gillian, by redecorating their semi-detached house, entirely with Boris Blue festive decorations. Delighted with his handy work, Ian commented, ‘Boris is our man for sure. I consider myself thoroughly middle-class, especially as I’ve bought a four-wheel-drive on finance, wear Barbour wellies and jeer at homeless people.’

Gillian, an NHS worker quickly responded, by threatening to torch her spouse’s Daily Mail collection. Fuming, she riposted, ‘It’s a sad enough day for the country, without having to deal with this nonsense.’ Thinking quickly, she went on, ‘I’ll only buy him three gifts, instead of the usual eight. I’ll re-wrap five from last year.’

While Mrs Napton commiserated, with fellow colleagues, Mr Napton indulged in another of his favourite pastimes, reversing over his feet and shredding fifty-pound notes.

As the sentient portion of the nation, rock slowly in the corner, Gillian Napton concluded, ‘If this farce is actually our reality for the next five years, I’m leaving my stocking out Christmas Eve, as there’s a good chance Santa might be real.

In expectation of the election result, over at our sister site the Chimps developed this Tee Shirt. ‘Don’t Blame me, I didn’t vote for him’.