Today, the PC Brigade unveiled their new range of PC Christmas Card.

The card respects everyone’s personal, religious and political views. Although, inevitably, it’s causing some controversy with Christmas Traditionalists.

Jocasta Pennington explains, “Particular emphasis has gone into selecting non-discriminatory imagery coupled with inclusive, non-offensive wording.”

“For example any suggestion of ‘Happy’ Christmas or ‘Holidays’ is a non-starter. The use of the term ‘Happy’ is offensive to those suffering depression, in crises or suffering from a range of mental conditions.”

The association of Jesus Christ, through the term ‘Christmas’, offends his fellow Jews, Muslims, Atheists and several Christian Sects. It also excludes people from joining in the season’s festivities. For similar reasons we can’t use the word Holiday as it derives from ‘Holy Day’, atheists again I’m afraid.

She added, “Pictures of sheep, donkeys and turkeys, disturb animal rights campaigners. Images of Christmas dinner upset, vegetarians, vegans, pescatarians, fruitarians, and for all we know, librarians.”

Drunken revelry can’t be used as a theme, to protect the sensibilities of recovering alcoholics, substance abusers, and those who found office parties unpalatable. Pictures of jolly fat people proved torturous to dieters.

“Father Christmas is out, given the patriarchal connotations and the elves offend short people, those in indentured servitude and workers in the toy industry.”

Christmas Traditionalists are appalled, claiming this takes all the magic out of Christmas.

If you can’t spend a fortune on crappy pictures and trite sayings, in order to write meaningless messages to people you couldn’t give a stuff about, what’s the fuckin point?

The Pope

The new PC Christmas Card is available to order for £25 for a box of 5, with all the profits going to the PC Brigade.

The Samaritans

If you are struggling through, please talk to someone. Clicking on The Samaritans heading will take you through to their website. We know from experience that this is a good place to start.