Tue. Oct 27th, 2020

Today, the PC Brigade unveiled their new range of Christmas Card.

The card was designed to be as respectful as possible to everyone’s personal, religious and political views. Although, inevitably, it’s caused some controversy with Christmas Traditionalists.

Jocasta Pennington explained “Particular emphasis has gone into selecting non-discriminatory imagery coupled with inclusive, non-offensive wording.”

“For example any suggestion of ‘Happy’ Christmas or ‘Holidays’ was a non-starter. The use of the term ‘Happy’ is offensive to those suffering depression, in crises or suffering from a range of mental conditions.”

A Christmas Clown
A sad clown at Christmas

“Any suggestion of Jesus Christ, through the term ‘Christmas’, was offensive to his fellow Jews, Muslims, Atheists and several Christian Sects. It also excluded people from joining in the seasons festivities. For similar reasons we couldn’t use the word Holiday as it derives from ‘Holy Day’, atheists again I’m afraid.”

She added, “We were unable to include pictures of animals on the front as it disturbs animal rights campaigners. Images of Christmas dinner were also out because it upset; vegetarians, vegans, pescatarians, fruitarians and for all we know librarians.”

Christmas Turkey
Pass the Gravy!

“Drunken revelry was discarded as a theme, to protect the sensibilities of recovering alcoholics, substance abusers and those who found office parties unpalatable. Pictures of jolly fat people proved torturous to dieters.”

God says 'I'm not cleaning up'
I’m not cleaning it up

Father Christmas was out, given the patriarchal connotations and the elves offended short people, those sold into indentured servitude and workers in the toy industry.”

Christmas Traditionalists were appalled, claiming this takes all the magic out of Christmas. If you can’t spend a fortune on crappy pictures and trite sayings, in order to write meaningless messages to people you couldn’t give a stuff about, what’s the fuckin point?

The new card is available to order for £25 for a box of 5, with all the profits going to the PC Brigade.

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By jagsie

Jagsie is a curmudgeonly old soul. He is not a great fan of the current American President as you can tell from some of the stories. We keep him around to remind the younger chimps of their future!

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!