Same-sex marriage is now legal in Northern Ireland and DUP member and church leader, the Rev Ian Napton, is absolutely outraged to find out that having a same-sex relationship is not compulsory.
He regularly sermonised that legalising same-sex marriage was just a step away from making it compulsory and now it was legal he was looking forward to a bit of man on man action.
Having spent the last twenty years preaching against the sin of homosexuality and campaigning to ensure that Northern Ireland doesn’t join the rest of the world in the 21st Century, he had assumed that being a raving homosexual was now his bounden legal duty.
As a law-abiding citizen he announced plans to divorce his wife, had redecorated the family home in chintz and bought a small dog to carry around in his newly-acquired man-bag.
“You know son, spending every day warning my flock about the damned papists, abortion and homosexuality gets a bit waring. All that hatred and bigotry really takes it out of you, so I was looking forward to a bit of a break from it all, they say a change is as good as a rest.”
“I did some in research and came across a lovely chap called Nigel. We’ve been out for a few drinks, had a bit of a dance and I think we may be ready to take our relationship to the next level. He’s a bit older than I am used to but I think we can make it work. But now they tell me that I don’t have to share my shaving set with another gentleman, I wish they’d make up their bloody minds!”
Here is a link to the brilliant Tom Robinson song, Sing if Your Glad to be Gay. Treat yourself to a listen