Sat. Sep 25th, 2021

Once again the BBC stormed the Bafta’s with their range of gripping, innovative and compelling drama. None captured the public’s attention more than this year’s retelling of the classic horror tale, Dracula.

i’d like to thank Bram for writing such a perfect part for me

Sticking faithfully to the original story the BBC cast the relatively unknown Jacob Rees-Mogg in the title role. “It was a big risk using a non-actor in the lead but his pale pallor, natural cruelty and rapacious nature really evoked the spirit of the undead. The way he attacked his helpless victims was so realistic, it was as though he had become the Vampire.”

What’s for dinner? Oh, it’s you!

Accepting the award, J R-M thanked the BBC for giving him this opportunity to show his true nature and Bram Stoker for writing the part for him. “When I used to visit Bram in Whitby he was always asking me to describe my adventures, which he would write down. It was his meticulous attention to detail that meant he really understood what made me what I am, even after I devoured his wife and daughter.”

In order to cash in on the success of revitalised classic horror tales, the BBC simultaneously announced that there will be a second series as well as a new production of Frankenstein, with Mark Francois in the lead role.

Mark Francois Homunculus

Meanwhile, in other news the BBC have asked that if anyone knows the whereabouts of several of the younger cast members can they please contact Television Centre.


By The Crown Prince

As you can see from his regal bearing his majesty is a fine specimen of ape hood. By way of disclaimer any suggestion of parties involving a Prince of the Realm are unfounded.

The Chatty Chimp, where we don't do fake news, all our stories are 100% made up!