Mon. Sep 27th, 2021

Government-funded bank rebrands so everyone forgets all the bad stuff they did

Having received unprecedented amounts of taxpayer funding and failed to make a profit for 10 years and still finished bottom of the Banking Customer Service table the Board have come up with a cunning plan.

You call that treating us fairly?

After paying consultants, designers and the Chairperson’s neighbour’s son, the Board took the unusual step of deciding that henceforth, they would tell the truth, about everything.

So the Bank is to be renamed, RobsUBlind.

Hand over all of your money!

The Bank admitted that it could spend a fortune trying to fix the problems in its systems but as one employee said “We tried that, it didn’t work. So let’s stop trying to hide things and just admit it, we’ve been stealing your money for years and we are going to carry on doing it.”

A RoBsUBlind spokesperson said, “After lorry loads of taxpayer cash, Mortgage mis-selling, PPI, investment mis-selling, endowment mis-selling, PPI part 2, the GRG group, forged signatures, derisory interest rates, worthless pre-packaged accounts and outrageous overdraft charges we decided to just own it.

What’s the point in the public pretending to trust their bank? in their heart of hearts they know we’re going to end up with all their money eventually. Let’s take the worry away.

That’s why we are introducing the 40% overdraft rate. Not only does it fill the gap left by Wonga, it’s also a fair approximation of what you’ll end up paying!”

Meanwhile, other banks announced plans to do exactly the same.


By Sir Drinkalot

Once upon a time there was a very naughty little monkey. This little monkey was always to be found in the pub, when he should have been writing stories. Brains often had to go looking for Sir Drinkalot but Brains usually ended up stuck in the pub too.

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